Thoughts on Proper Perspective In Life

The Ribbono Shel Olam created man of two elements. The physical and the spiritual. These are two beings that co-exist as one. Two sides of a one coin. The kli and the or; a bright lamp, as it were. But what happens when we don't turn on this lamp, when we extinguish the light? Better question: what do I mean?

When we do aveiros what do we feel? When we hear lashon hara, do our ears suddenly bleed? When we speak with nibbul peh, do our tongues swell and choke us? When we look at assur images, do our eyes go blind? When we strike our friends, do our arms become limp? When we walk to places we shouldn't go to, do our legs go lame? When we live lives of immorality, do we die? When we allow the guf to dominate, do we feel the pain of the neshamah?

Seemingly, the answer is, at least generally, no. Of course, the seforim hakedoshim do speak about how guilty limbs are punished for what they have done. But I mean to say that usually there is no immidiate tangible repercussion. If there was, people wouldn't do aveiros. If you're eyes burned everytime you looked at something you shouldn't look at it, you would have to be very determined to do bad to look anyway, and I believe that most people are not like that.

If this is true, that we do not feel any physical reaction, how can we expect to feel the destruction of all the supernal life that is connected to us? It is part of my physical nervous system. If I prick my finger with a needle, I will feel it. But if I prick a sefirah, what will I feel? Truthfully, I will not feel any pain, but I cannot speak for anyone else.

What, then, am I, and anyone else who may suffer like me, to do? How am I to approach life as an eved Hashem? What is it that will keep me pointed in the right direction? If my tongue doesn't stretch to my naval every time I speak lashon hara (now we're yotzei  a dvar Torah for this week), what will hold me back?

Let me ask you a question? What is Gehenom? Fire? Devils with pitchforks? A big red guy with horns? If you've ever read Dante's Inferno, then maybe you'll agree that the guy mentioned at the end seems a bit scary. However, this is all the influence of the X-ian society around us. Gehenom is the burning pain of shame; the shame of realization at what you have done. If you eat treif, your stomach won't explode, and therefore will not be what spurs any regret and abstention from any further such acts. But if you just think for a second about what you have done, how you have put something assur into your stomach which will now be digested and carried throughout you whole body, surely you will shudder at the realization of what you have done (granted we are talking about a frum person who consciously wants to be mekayem mitzvos, and even then, this may not apply as strongly for a particular aveirah which has been habitually transgressed for a long time).

What am I trying to say? Granted, we may not feel any initial pain when we do an aveirah, but we can feel shame (which in it's own way is painful). This is a very real way of coming to terms with the reality you have created for yourself by doing whatevre it is you have done. Can we see the mass destruction of the Heavenly spheres wrought by our own hands? No (at least I can't, I believe great tzaddikim can), but we can feel shame at the realization that our lives have become bereft of ruchnius to whatever extent this applies. This is Gehenom. Gehenom exists here, with us, in this World, if we are zoche to suffer it. If not, if we do not feel the painful shame now, then we will feel it at the end of our lives, and then it will be so much worse, when we can't do anything about it.

Conversely, the great simchah felt when we do mitzvos, learn Torah, and serve Hakadosh Boruch Hu, is what drives us forward to do the next mitzvah! When we live lives of proper Avodas Hashem, then we see everything as a new opportunity to grow in Avodas Hashem! Peledig!!

It is with these two feeling, shame and joy, that must calibrate our lives and guide ourselves. And if we don't strive to control ourselves this way, no one else will do it for us. As the heilege Piaseczner Rebbe states so powerfully in Chovas HaTalmidim, you are your own main mechanech. Maybe you do only good while you're Rebbe, or Parent, or wife, or kids are around, which is good because it means that you recognize what is right and you are ashamed to do otherwise when someone you care about will see you. But how will you act when you are alone. You cannot see the Ribbono Shel Olam in the same direct way that you see another person. But you can see yourself and you can think about what you are doing and the weight of your actions. It all depends on how you train yourself and if you will listen to the voice of reason in your head. See the first siman of Shulchan Aruch, it's a good one. And take a look at the Aruch HaShulchan there.

You know, YouTube and iTunes, for example, both create recommended lists based on what you view/listen to. Sometimes you have to look at such a lists and think about whether or not it fits who you want to be. A person has to think about his/her actions and think about whether or not they are befitting of them. If someone could see everything you do, what kind of person would they think you are? What lists of recommended activities would they give to suit your personality?

.שכר מצוה מצוה ושכר עבירה עבירה

See Nefesh HaChaim Sha'ar 1; the whole thing. (The understanding of this article was based on R' Chaim Volozhiner in Nefesh HaChaim, I recall learning at least one other understanding of Gehenom, but I don't remember where it is.)

Secret Stringency

I just wanted to share a story I heard from my rebbe; I hope I have recounted it correctly. He (my rebbe) grew up in Yerushalaim area, and one of his friends told him as follows: When R' Yechezkel Abramsky was a living in the Yerushalaim neighborhood of Bayit Vagan, he would arrange for a secret minyan to read Megillas Ester on the 14th of Adar, in addition to the reading of 15th that everyone in that area does. One of the members of this minyan was Reb Abramsky's 14 year old nephew. This nephew had a friend of the same age (this friend many years later told the story to my rebbe) whom he invited to the secret minyan, giving him a chance to see the gadol up close and personal. So the two of them went, but when R' Abramsky saw the friend he grew upset. He turned to his nephew with a grave face and inquired, "why did you bring him here?" The poor friend felt like sinking into the floor when he heard the gadol say this in reference to him (can you imagine what that must be like?). He ended up permitting this young friend to stay as long as he promised not to tell anyone about this minyan. 

Why? What was the big deal? What caused him to get so upset over this matter?- Reb Abramsky himself said (not in English, obviously), "A chumrah is of no value if people know about it."   

Whoa, big yesod. Some chumros are not always totally private to this extreme. For example, someone you know may see you buying Cholov Yisrael milk in the supermarket, fine. That doesn't you have to tell every or even anyone it doesn't affect about it. (This was just an example, Cholov Yisrael is a whole sugya, not for now.) 

http://www.mpaths.com/2010/10/jewish-counterculture.html

Do Us a Favor: Be a Kohen!

Hillel says in the first perek of Pirkei Avos (1:12): הוי מתלמידיו של אהרן אוהב שלום ורודף שלום אוהב את הבריות ומקרבן לתורה. I was thinking about this Mishnah over Shabbos as I was with one of my cousins who is a kohen, both in the genealogical sense and in the "bechinas kohen" sense. That is to say, "kohen" is not just an inherited title for him, he lives up to the values it represents. Similar to what Rambam writes (Shmittah U'Yovel 13:11):

ולא שבט לוי בלבד, אלא כל איש ואיש מכל באי העולם אשר נדבה רוחו אותו והבינו מדעו להיבדל לעמוד לפני ה' לשרתו ולעובדו לדעה את ה', והלך ישר כמו שעשהו האלוהים, ופרק מעל צווארו עול החשבונות הרבים אשר ביקשו בני האדם הרי זה נתקדש קודש קודשים, ויהיה ה' חלקו ונחלתו לעולם ולעולמי עולמים; ויזכה לו בעולם הזה דבר המספיק לו, כמו שזיכה  לכוהנים וללויים.  הרי דויד אומר ה', מנת חלקי וכוסי--אתה, תומיך גורלי  

Before I get to the explanation of this Mishnah that I want to share, it should be noted how middos are passed down from our ancestors. (See Or Gedalyahu on Korach for an insightful understanding based on this as to why Korach's yichus ends at Levi and doesn't go back to Yaakov Avinu.) In fact, it is told over that the Chofetz Chaim would daven that he be able to overcome the anger that he is naturally inclined to due to being a kohen (see Bava Basra 160b and somewhere in the third perek of Gittin)! But the kohanic trait of anger isn't the connection I associated with my cousin.

The Slonimer Rebbe asks a most intriguing question; why is this Mishnah stated as a directive? Why is it any different from the Mishnah (Avos 5:17) that says whoever possesses the middos of ayin tovah, nefesh shefeilah, and ruach nemuchah is of the talmidim of Avraham Avinu which is said as a matter-of-fact? The answer lies in understanding the nature of Shalom, peace.

Shalom is not simply the lack of war. Look up peace in the dictionary and you will see that the world does define it this way. But it's not emes. It says in Iyov (25:2) "עושה שלום במרומיו", in the lofty regions of Heaven there is no war, no machlokes; it's not shayach there. And yet we see that the concept of Shalom exists there. Something defined as the lack of strife cannot exist where strife itself does not exist.

Underlying our existence is the tenet that Hashem is the source of it all. His constant will for you and I to exists is what allows us to be here every second that we are. "אין עוד מלבדו"- He is the only power, all depends on Him. Therefore, we are really nothing before Him. We do not posses independent sustainability. There is only Him. However, we live in a world of Hester Panim, a world where we see many things of independent significance existing together, as opposed to seeing however EVERYTHING is but a manifestation of the one will of the Borei Olam. The ultimate goal of our creation is for us to understand this. As the Yeshayahu HaNavi prophesied long ago, "ומלאה הארץ דעה את ה' כמים לים מכסים"! Da'as of Hashem will permeate all the world! We know that the word "דעת" means to know intimately, that is to say, we are connected to whatever it is we are dealing with in a very real, personal way. That is why the Torah uses this word for the intimate physical relationship between a husband and wife. In any event, when we reach this level of God-awareness, this will be the realization of the purpose of Creation. And that is when we will achieve Shalom. Peace, equilibrium, whatever word you want to use for it; the world will be in a state where all life will be united: one nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all! (sound familiar?) Machlokes stems from a perception that we are all disconnected and constitute independent entities.

Hillel's message to us about Aharon is not so much an appraisal of Aharon's personal tzidkus to which we must aspire, rather it is an appreciation of the role of the Kohen Gadol, who's job it is to connect the Nation with HaKadosh Boruch Hu. This is why Aharon was an "אוהב שלום ורודף שלום"; this was how he went about quelling any machlokes in an effort to create an annulment to the Ribbono Shel Olam.

This is also the significance of the Bris Shalom that Hashem gave to Pinchas, which included that he and his children would be kohanim. Why? Because making others cognizant to the Ribono Shel Olam was so important to him. This is also connected to the teaching that Pinchas is Eliyahu, whom Malachi prophesied will herald the coming of the Moshiach, the time of ultimate Shalom.

The berachah of Birkas Kohanim is "אקב"ו לברך את עמו ישראל באהבה"; the kohanim can only bless the people when there is ahavah between them. The whole point of this berachah is to spread ahavah and Shalom. amongst Bnei Yisrael.

This is why Hillel said that we MUST learn from the ways of Aharon; these traits are not just an "עצה טובה", they are the whole point of life! Anyway, I thought my cousin the kohen really implements this, so I am lucky to have him in my family.

(I left out some details, see the Nesivos Shalom inside for the whole thing, also, see Rabbeinu Yonah for a different interesting take on this Mishnah)

Be'Ha'aloscha- Moshe: Modest Man

In Parashas Be’ha’aloscha we encounter the infamous incident of Miriam and Aharon’s little chitchat about Moshe (just to be correct the pasuk doesn’t actually make sense grammatically to mean that both Miriam and Aharon were speaking lashon harah; the pasuk says “ותדבר מרים ואהרן וגו'”, so, Ibn Ezra explains that Aharon’s participation was marked by his silence or agreement- it only says “ויאמרו” in the plural by the second pasuk when they exclaim that both of them were also neviim; see also Da’as Zekeinim Mi’ba’alei Ha’Tosfos).  The Torah tells us that Hashem was well aware of what was taking place, “וישמע ה'”. Following this is the well known verse describing Moshe Rabbeinu as the penultimate emulator of Humility- “והאיש משה ענו מאד מכל האדם אשר על פני האדמה”. Now, just to understand what was going on in the story here, it should be noted that the Targum Yonasan [Yerushalmi], Ramban, and the Or Hachaim HaKadosh make note of the fact that Aharon and Miriam were speaking not just about Moshe, which would be pointless gossip, but rather to Moshe as a form of rebuke for his behavior (unlike Ibn Ezra). Ramban brings this down from the Sifri which explains that the pesukim here can be merged to be read as “וישמע ה' והאיש משה וגו'”. And Moshe bore this rebuke in humble silence (Rashi) and did not take heed as to be offended (Targum Yonasan). And it was because of his anivus that Moshe Rabbeinu himself could not respond with the proper refutation to their rebuke: that he was the greatest, the most humble. That is why Hashem Himself said it in the Torah to us (and in different words to Aharon and Miriam- “לא כן עבדי משה בכל ביתי נאמן הוא”) (Or HaChaim HaKadosh). Similarly, the Ramban brings down that the placement of this pasuk here is an explanation of Hashem’s kana’us, so to speak, on Moshe’s behalf. That is to say, since Moshe would not respond on his own, out of great humility, Hashem stepped in directly.

אמר ר' יוחנן אין הקב"ה משרה שכינתו אלא על גבור ועשיר וחכם ועניו וכולן ממשה גבור דכתיב (שמות מ) ויפרוש את האהל על המשכן ואמר מר משה רבינו פרסו וכתיב (שמות כו) עשר אמות ארך הקרש וגו' אימא דאריך וקטין אלא מן הדין קרא דכתיב (דברים ט) ואתפוש בשני הלוחות ואשליכם מעל שתי ידי ואשברם ותניא הלוחות ארכן ששה ורחבן ששה ועביין שלשה עשיר פסל לך פסולתן שלך יהא חכם רב ושמואל דאמרי תרוייהו חמשים שערי בינה נבראו בעולם וכולם נתנו למשה חסר אחת שנאמר (תהילים ח) ותחסרהו מעט מאלהים עניו דכתיב (במדבר יב) והאיש משה עניו מאד 

The Gemara in Nedarim 38a says as follows (paraphrase): Hashem does not rest His Shechinah on just anyone, but only one is mighty, rich, wise and modest. And from where did R’ Yochanan get these criteria? Why, from Moshe Rabbeinu! And the last one, that one must be an anav, is learned out from the pasuk of “והאיש משה”. Now, both R’ Yaakov Emden and the Torah Temimah write that this Gemara is only referring to one whom Hashem “rests” on bi’kvius, always. But there certainly were many that didn’t posses all these qualities who received nevuah, just that it was in a more irregular manner. On top of that, the Torah Temimah asks a very important question. Granted, on the lists of qualities that Hashem is looking for in someone that He can “rest His Presence on” anavah makes sense. But what do gevurah, ashirus, and chochmah have to do with any of this? On top of this, he cites the Gemara in Shabbos 92b which says almost the same exact lashon as the Gemara in Nedarim except that it substitutes being an anav with being a ba’al komah, “one of measure” (see the Gemara there). Certainly this trait does not exactly align with humility. In fact, Reb Shlomo Eiger in his glosses on the Gemara in Shabbos points out this difference between the two Gemaros, although perhaps not from our angle, but nonetheless does not offer a resolution. However, the Torah Temimah says as follows; one who is poor, weak, and unlearned, and manages to maintain humility (although it is commendable), is not the same as one who is strong, rich, and wise, and who despite all of his ma'alos  still maintains humility. All of these traits listed in the Gemara are really a means by which to evaluate the level of anavah and in essence show that the anavah is of a higher level. That is why Moshe, who possessed gevurah, ashirus, chochmah, and who was a ba'al komah, and on top of that reached a level of self-annulment beyond all other beings on the face of the planet(!), was truly the greatest and was zoche to his level of nevuah- בכל ביתי נאמן הוא.

 It's ok to be awesome, just don't let it go to your head! A gut Shabbos!

I think the previous post explains why I haven't posted in a while (not that I really posted too often to begin with)

Back In the Blink of an Eye

Well, here I am, back after learning for two years in Eretz Yisrael. Next year may yet be number 3, but that is still in the workshop. I wish I could say that I've returned as an accomplished talmid chochom, perhaps a tzaddik, and even not one of those two, at least I would have finished shas by now! Alas, I have but grown in some respects, while having fallen in others. No tzaddik here. I've finished a few more masechtas, learned just a few more blatt, and improved my learning skills. But I'm no Rogotchover. Ok, nobody is like the Rogotchover, but I'm still nothing special. But I've gotten to know myself better and I've spent more time analyzing the issues of life through the lens I've tried to craft with the Torah knowledge/values bequeathed to me by my Rebbeim/personal learning. And I think this is a good start to hopefully be a tzaddik/talmid chochom one day B"H.

And now I can really say that the beis medrash is home to me. Not that I didn't have this feelig before I left for Erezt Yisroel, but it is stronger now. The voice of learning is the familar sound of relatives beckoning, and the voice of battalah is the painful screeching of an annoying younger sibling (although, yes, sometimes I can't help but join. Add it to the list of things I have to work on). Anyway, I can go on and on about all the specifics of the past two years, but that would take too long to do all at once. So instead I'll just Baruch Hashem on the tov, Baruch Dayan Emes on what, at my level, I can't help but percieve as ra. 

הודו לה' כי טוב כי לעולם חסדו- The past two years was an amazing zechus. Not just that but the lasting effect and indelible impression left on me from the whole experience will remain a lifelong zechus. It seems like it all just went by so fast and now it's over, but in truth, it will never end (I hope). "You can take the bochur out of the yeshivah, but you can't take the yeshivah out of the bochur" (or something like that).